and how do you feel about that?

I feel happy about 90% of the time. But 10% I feel terrible, nothing anyone can do or say will make me feel happy, I cry unexplainably, I feel as if death is a reasonable escape from the chaotic, fucked up universe we seem to half exsist in. It feel like i donb't live, just survive. I feel I'm a faint outline of a person who persists through life without a meaning or purpose.

That 10% of me needs help but the 90% won't let it, it will constrict the unhappiness untill it's too strong. Then it will raise it's ugy had and destroy me.

Fuck, I need a therapist.