the most spontaneous person i know is chloe, and she's not spontaneous, just unorganised

i'm tired of everything being planned, i want someone spontaneous 

unconditional love is all I want

Woke up this morning
And I heard the news
I know the pain of a heartbreak
I don't have answers 
And neither do you
I know the pain of a heartbreak

This isn't easy
This isn't clear
And you don't need Jesus
Til you're here
Then confusion and the doubts you had
Up and walk away
They walk away
When a heart breaks

I heard the doctor
But what did he say
I knew I was fine about this time yesterday
I don't need answers
I just need some peace
I just need someone who could help me get some sleep
Who could help me get some sleep

This isn't easy
This isn't clear
And you don't need Jesus
Til you're here
Then confusion and the doubts you had
Up and walk away
They walk away
When a heart breaks

This isn't easy
This isn't clear
And you don't need Jesus
Til you're here
Then confusion and the doubts you had
Up and walk away
They walk away
When a heart breaks

after reading my old diary I realised I only started cutting after my grandad died

I will always remember the day my parents told me they were getting divorced

I spend all my time waiting for you to do something incredible and romantic

why can't i just move on?

no one cares about me

so fucking alone

"There's always another route" yeah, hanging myself, stabbing myself, shooting myself, overdosing, suffocating myself or drowning myself

tash just caught me crying

i just want to sit next to someone in comfortable silence

seeing you, touching you, thinking about you, talking to you, texting you, kissing you, fucking you is just my own version of self harm

the worst part is the brewing feeling of hopelessness right before the tears fall and the blood runs

and as usual; abandoned, cheated, sick, cut and alone, i retreat back to my bed, waiting for it to start all over again

how can you walk around content with your life? you don't deserve it.

live fast, die young

i'm a time bomb of self destruction

i'd only spend my final days with you out of fear of being alone when i die

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you always cry, I hate it when you stare. I hate your always broken shower and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

"so what do you do in your spare time?" cut myself in an effort to make things feel bearable and not kill myself

i've began thinking about my grandad less and less, and when i remember i feel repulsively guilty, i don't want to forget him

i really really really really really really really really really really really really miss my grandad

you just sit there, letting me get worse and worse

you left me alone, ill and crying. now do i really know i mean nothing to you. never have, never will.

i just want to escape this world

self harm is such a release

i hate you knowing how much i miss us

crying has just become a daily routine

denying yourself of who you are is denying yourself the biggest certainty you'll even know

everytime i don't shout at you and we get on fine, you just ruin it by still flirting with all these girls. how can you do that then bullshit that you love me? i just fucking hate you. grow up, or do you need your mum to do that for you too?

you're just the gay best friend that girls keep around because your perverse they enjoy the attention, but they would never give you a real chance.

people don't understand, the pain is comforting, the stinging makes reality hurt less, it's a distraction, it helps move some of the pain on the inside; out. it's not a method of recovery, just self expression. 

cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut.

i've missed this

And I remember when I met him.. It was so clear that he was the only one for me. We both knew it right away. And as years went on things got more difficult, we were faced with more challenges. I begged him to stay, tried to remember what we had in the beginning.. He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it. When he walked in, every woman’s head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix… Of a man who couldn’t contain himself. I always got this sense that he’d became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him. And in that way, I understood him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, I loved him… And I still love him, I love him.

when i say i miss you, i don't mean physically, i mean it like i miss the old you

why doesn't anyone bring me soup, blankets and tissues and then snuggles with me when i'm ill?

i can never tell if you're really evil or just plain dumb

ALL I WANT IS A GRAND GESTURE. ok?

you're a liar a cheat spiteful exhausting an idiot difficult a man.

oh so you 'want something good in your life'? i thinks it's my cue to leave then.