Sometimes it's better to lie. It can save people feelings, our own feelings or even our relationships. It can prevent it feeling like the person you love is slowly walking away from you, and all you can do it watch. Like they've taken your heart with them. Like all you can do is sit there cry and try to swallow the crushing pain and the rest of your body collapses. But also sometimes it better to lie because, well, lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

Why do I do this to myself?

I love you so much it upsets me.

Everything has a cause and effect. Cause: you're hungry. Effect: you smoke. Cause: you drink too much. Effect: you regrettably sleep with someone.

Cause: you get a boyfriend. Effect: all your friends become bitches.

Although I love most film genres, I cannot stand most romances or romantic comedies. I believe them to be superficial and although it can be argued that all films are unarguable fiction, it is the idea that the vulnerable audience who watch romances often confuse the fiction with reality.

I love it when you love your boyfriend, and you’re perfectly happy and life appears perfect. Then that one boy who you’d tried to forget suddenly turns up and sets your peaceful world ablaze.

Only now that I have you do I realise how much I love you.

Bruno Mars makes me want to punch humanity. How can you listen to his music and believe all the bullshit he sings about? No man is like that. Any guy must be mental if they’d catch a grenade for a woman they love. No man can love everything about someone woman and wouldn’t change anything about them unless the girl hasn’t shown her everything about herself. And wanting to marry someone for one night and not mind divorcing them the next day is just being an immature prick. So seriously Bruno, go cut off your cock, because you might as well be a girl.