and how do you feel about that?

i only smoke weed because i'm broken. i'm feel no longer human, i'm suffering every minute i'm awake. i don't smoke up to enjoy myself, i smoke to stop feeling miserable. i hate what i've become. i feel guilty every second i'm breathing. smoking makes me feel alive for a while, i forget the constant misery that follows me. i disappoint everyone, but i just don't feel like i need to improve my life. i am happy. i have a house, a family, amazing friends and i enjoy life. fuck i sound like a schizophrenic.